Diary entries written from 2018 to 2019, writing this blog post is the first time I read them from start to finish.

There is no winning with an eating disorder. Less pride in recovery milestones, I only hear and see weight gain - and it still scares me.

Cellulite has been my nemesis since the age of 16, I still struggle with it twelve years later.

Yoghurt is a fear food; although I took the plunge and bought one to have for dessert, I freaked out and never ate it. Here's why.

Diet culture language is 'normal' - we hear it daily - and yet nobody admits to disordered thoughts. Is there really any difference?

I love Christmas - but I haven't left myself live Christmas since the eating disorder came into existence.

The eating disorder has taught me to worry. I overthink, lose sleep - and when it panics, I panic.

Sharing recovery highs is one thing - admitting to slipping up is shameful, weak, even.

I am scared and embarrassed to admit to my slip-ups, failures, in recovery. Here's the truth.

Food should be earned and energy burnt off. Is there really any other way?

Living with an eating disorder is like having a second job. The worst boss.

In May 2020, I admitted to my family and friends that I have been living with an eating disorder for over eight years.