Thursday 26th November 2015. The big day. The embark on an unpredictable rollercoaster and unknown future. Five years ago at the BBC Winter Good Food Show in Birmingham - and I would be lying if I said I was happy with where my business is now.
In May 2015, I fell in love with a recipe so much so that I called it Perfect. It tasted so good, made me feel so great, that I wanted to share this experience with the rest of the world - that was my lightbulb moment. After booking the BBC Good Food Show spontaneously and last minute in October 2015, I never looked back. I went into business blindsided by excitement, naivety, apprehension; mostly optimistic and very ambitious.
In truth, knowing that today marks my brand's 5th Birthday makes me feel a bit sick. In fact, I would go as far as saying that I am embarrassed to admit to having worked on it for this long and still be here. Five years. A substantial amount of time to be doing the same thing without any significant milestones*. No increased salary, no promotion (you could argue that my role doesn't get much higher), no tangible evidence of growth or success. 22-year-old Gaby genuinely thought and hoped that 27-year-old Gaby would be a lot further along in 2020. Definitely selling in New York and/or on aeroplanes.
It is hard to detach myself from business, to not take it personally. It is especially hard when I see other businesses, especially those who launched around a similar time, thrive in (what I perceive as) 'success'. Their products are stocked in multiple supermarkets, what I imagine to bring in a nice rounded revenue, and they are comfortably a well-known household name. You would recognise it if I said it, ultimately 'better' than my products - and I can't help but blame the only one accountable, myself. (What did I do wrong, what happened?).
As of right now, we're going through a fourth re-brand (fifth if you include the project we had to bin), I only took my first ‘salary’ from the business in Summer 2020 - by salary I mean pocket money - and competition is probably five times what was a 'new and trendy' category in 2015. We were one of the first brands to blend ingredients; I kick myself for not doing more back then, why did we not get listed? Was it the branding? Why did I not figure out the real, core mission until now? Analysing does not help - I continue to persevere and fight for our space on the shelves.
I also feel personally responsible for not doing more; living with an eating disorder that has been present - often consuming - throughout my entrepreneurial journey. Being the founder of both, literally born out of my imagination, I chose and prioritised where to spend my brain energy. Predominantly obsessing over food and exercise, and then business.
For example, could I have put better strategies in place; carried out tasks more efficiently; taken time to learn and thoroughly research the market; invested in brand strategy sooner to save money and create purpose-led packaging; and employed and delegated earlier on? Hours I will not get back and questions that have no answers. Still, my mind wonders.
I think there will always be a part of me that clings on to my 2015 authenticity and naivety, excluding decisions I really do wish I could go back and change. I launched the business because of how much I loved the product, not business. I only wanted others to experiences the boost in mood and energy, uplift in self-esteem, that I did. So with or without the eating disorder, I may have ended up where I am now, regardless of how my time has been spent and their outcomes (or lack of).
It is always going to be a hard fight but that is the beauty of optimism and perhaps stubbornness. I refuse to give up and let the competition in our category win. In any situation, there is always a silver lining - although I have no idea what that is right now, perhaps the next five years are the best to come... (not holding my breath). Time to find out.
*To pay some credit - and sound less cynical - two products received Great Taste Awards in 2020, which made me so happy I danced and almost cried; and securing a listing on Ocado in 2018 has made my business journey, so much so that if I did quit now, I would take this as my biggest high.
**Having gone back and read this in May 2022, I find it sad and disheartening to say that not much has changed. I am still tired, fed up and feel a bit lost in how to grow. Buyers are non-responsive; if they are, they keep me on a leash and wrapped around their little finger until it suits them (mostly after I have emailed every week until they respond). I continue with faltered confidence and a heavy heart, wondering how much longer I can keep going without reward, recognition or something good happening. Colleagues would also be nice.
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