Of all the billions of humans on the planet, it can take just one single snapshot of someone else's life to make an impact on someone's day - and what we see is exactly that. Someone else's life. Their story. Their actions. Their choices. On Facebook; Pinterest; Twitter; Tik Tok; Instagram; Reels; IGTV... Our reality becomes a filtered version of story (after story after story); we find reason for it to matter or resonate with us, and we care enough to go back, keep scrolling, day after day. Somehow, showing others what we are up to can provide a sense of validation, acceptance and worthiness of "living my best life."
When did our own self confidence and judgement stop being good enough?
Instagram came into existence during my third year of University in 2013, what makes me feel very old, and it fascinates me how quickly technology develops. Between 2014 and 2015 especially, I got obsessed with posting all meals and recipes that were later uploaded onto my newly established food blog. I also shared my daily flat white, the odd #GirlsNightOut and filtered selfie; stories were angled to ensure my legs looked good and I loved - still often like - sharing the odd memory with friends.
There is no 'good' or 'bad', 'right' or 'wrong' with social media. I completely understand why people like it and appreciate its power to help provide inspiration, jobs, friends even. But at some stage in 2016, a switch flipped in my head and I realised that nobody cares about what I had for dinner or if the sky looked pretty on a morning run. I stopped caring about this voyeuristic outlook on life, always watching and comparing to other people - and began to see through what is now culturally and societally normal.
This decision was probably also influenced by how I used social media - for both business and personal use - and thus experienced and saw all facets, positives and negatives, of its time consumption.
For example, I used to wake up at 6am every morning just to post on Instagram - the 'right' time to get the most likes - when you could only manually share photos. Then algorithms, ads and highlight reels came into play and social media is now a lot harder to handle. Exactly why social media managers and influencers exist. Unfortunately, without budget to hire anyone or gift hundreds of products, trying to expand our reach to new and existing customers is difficult. It is no longer a one-woman job. I have to commit to monthly investment, create visually appealing content and constantly reinvigorate our strategy to keep up with the ever-changing trends. By the time this has been conquered, a new function comes into play that we have to adapt to. I only learnt that TikTok was a separate app about 10 months ago - and no, I cannot fathom the idea of setting this up just yet.
On a more personal level, between 2015 to 2020, my relationship with social media took a turn for the worse, especially its negative impact on my mental health. Seeing a photo of ripped muscles, 'clean' food prep and "starting the week well" made me question myself. 'Should' I be doing the same? Probably, yes (if I wanted to look like that). I also went out of my way and wanted to know if so-and-so - mostly influencers, entrepreneurs and celebrities I admired for their lifestyle, wealth and career - did a workout or not because it triggered and justified this 'should' part of my brain: of course "I should go to the gym" because they are, "I should eat less sugar" because they are, "I should look like them" because they seem to be successful in life. If the photo alluded to dieting and compensation - "burning off yesterday's brownie" or portrayed a "before and after body", as though you can never be happy with what you have - I felt I had to do the same. The need to change, improve, be 'better', a body for (en)during life is not good enough.
I appreciate this is very specific to my eating disorder and you may have a very disciplined and healthy relationship with social media. Still, the world of social media is vast, impersonal and only just getting started. I worry that if one picture has the ability to impact someone else's decisions in a split second; if I too easily compared my life to a chasm of information, how many others do the same?
Given where technology is, and no doubt where it is headed, separating life from social media - even a phone detox - is a lot easier said than done. It is far too easy to get sucked into comparing ourselves and interpreting information, often believing it to be true, from a single frame of a much bigger picture. We scarcely see the details that make us who we really are, what really goes on behind the scenes, and the struggles we all face. Although social media is becoming more open and honest, shedding light on topics that until recently have never been spoken about, what we choose to do should never have to make sense, resonate with or depend on anyone else. We certainly don't need to pose, post or seek others' approval to boost our confidence. Real life, our lives and existence, is so much better than that.
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